Vacations. Stay-cations. Weekend getaways. Religious retreats. 

As a Naropa graduate, I’ve seen people spend tens of thousands of dollars retreating from the world so they could find themselves. Maybe folx were trying to find themselves because the self kept running away, playing hide-and-go-seek? Myriad ways to run away from ourselves… but it’s not just running away. It’s a running away that’s disguised as “self care” and “seeking enlightenment”. 

It’s running away, y’all. For real. Hard stop. 

Like John Kabat-Zinn said, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

So, where do you think you can run that you’ll be free of yourself? 

Hmm? 

(See y’all tomorrow)

I read this morning’s contemplation to my wife as we enjoyed morning coffee, preparing for the day. Once she listened to what today’s theme was, and the author’s thoughts, she cautioned me to remain aware of how my upcoming post could trigger folx...specifically those in the chronic pain community. 

I’m not a member of this community, so I should note that the intricacies and intimacy of a chronic pain condition are lost on me. I do, however, try to be compassionate, and I ask for folx indulgence as I fumble through my thoughts and feelings in this blog. That being said, I should preface today’s post with a…

Trigger warning: challenges one to face adversity with resilience and grace

Seneca summed it up nicely when he said, “The point is not to wish for these adversities, but for the virtue that makes adversities bearable.” (Moral Letters, 67.4)

“Ready and at home” is a reference to President James Garfield’s thoughts on the terrible nature of war. He said, “Of course I deprecate war, but if it is brought to my door the bringer will find me at home.” 

Today’s post is about knowing there’s shit coming, and being ready for it. Not “prepared”, but ready. Sit with those until a difference arises, if there isn’t one already. 

That shit’ll know where to find us. So, to be clear, we’re not asking for this aforementioned shit to find us, or asking for any negative thing or circumstance to find us, for that matter. However, we are (or want to be) asking ourselves to face our fate at our most excellent, no matter what that may be in the moment. 

Sometimes it’s very hard to be our best (and by best, I mean “most virtuous”). Sometimes we feel very far away from best. Sometimes we are lazy and don’t care to engage with best. Sometimes we’re crushed beneath the weight of illness, or sloth, or indifference, mindlessness, apathy, or our own egos that the definition of “best” gets called into question… 

… and yet, we’ve simply got to do our best anyway, EVERYTIME. 

In addition to President Garfield’s perspective, Ryan Holiday’s companion analogy contained within today’s lesson was a perfect way to frame this awareness teaching for me… Hospitality-style: 

When difficulty knocks on our door, make sure we’re prepared to answer, “Not the way we are when a surprise visitor comes late at night, but the way we are when we’re waiting for an important guest: dressed, in the right headspace, ready to go.” (The Daily Stoic, p. 90)

(See y’all tomorrow)

Unless we’ve been made a victim, we have choice. 

Consider this: if we feel like we’ve no choice, we could be falling victim to our own minds, or better yet, ego’s control over our minds. 

Ego tells us that we don’t deserve whatever “negative” thing is happening to us. Ego tells us that because we don’t “deserve” to be in these circumstances, it’s OK to rage against those circumstances. Ego tells us that all this stuff is personal. 

When we’re aware of ego’s role in our consternation, we can do something about it. 

If we’re ignorant to ego’s role, then we’re allowing ourselves to become ego’s victim. 

How much of our liberation is in our hands? 

When will we choose to take advantage of choice? 

(See y’all tomorrow)

I remember when I was first starting to check out Buddhism. I was in my very early 20’s, and back then in New Orleans, there wasn’t a lot of opportunity for that kind of thing. The thing I remember most was the common teaching, paraphrased below: 

No one can make you feel a certain kind of way. That’s all on you. 

I remember my early 20’s self. How young and ignorant. HA! I remember how foolish the idea of “no one making you feel” sounded. I asked the master, “What if someone says hurtful things to you and you end up feeling bad?” I followed up with, “What if it’s your mother?” before he had a chance to reply to the first question. 

He looked at me with the kind of kind face that comes from years of practice, and an equal amount of time listening to dipshit students who believe they know everything… and after a while, he said: 

“They only offer the words and circumstances. Ultimately, you’re the one who accepts what they’re offering, and carries those shitty things around with you. Don’t pick that shit up. Who wants to carry around a pocket full of someone elses shit?”

“Don’t pick that shit up.” Really? That’s all you got for me, man? 

Looking back on that day now, I see how right he was, and much of a little asshole I was. We are not the victims of our circumstances… unless we let ourselves become victims. 

In my time teaching martial arts, I used to tell students that victims are, “people who have no longer have choices”. As long as we can choose, we’re not victims (in the philosophical sense). 

We cannot control our circumstances, or the things that others say. We can, however, control what happens in ourselves. We allow ourselves to become stressed, or frustrated, or overwhelmed. Not others. 

The cause of all that strife is within us. We just blame it on others when they give us an excuse to do so. 

Rise above. Don't walk around with a pocket full of someone else's shit. 

(See y’all tomorrow) 

Sacred is relative. 

Walking is sacred when we’re aware of those who cannot walk. Walking is power is an ableist world. For those who take walking for granted, it’s an afterthought, an everyday occurrence not worthy of much thought. 

Speech is sacred when we’re aware of the privilege that comes with being a native speaker, or having knowledge of a foreign tongue when in a foreign place. Speech is a weapon when wielded to create difference, or highlight “other” status. For those who take speech and language for granted, the connection between communicating what’s in one’s head and sacrality is never made. 

Agency is sacred for those who have none. Thoughts are sacred for the psychologically abused, or developmentally different. 

Sacred is relative. 

How do we relate to that which is sacred within ourselves? In others? Can we if it’s relative? 

Sure we can… 

… if we are aware of those relationships. 

Once aware of something made sacred, our relationship with it changes. 

Welcome change. 

(See y’all tomorrow)

Whether Bil Keane said it, or Master Oogway, it’s still the same truth: the real gift is in the present. 

I mean, what is REAL, other than the present? We can only have what’s real, right? And all that IS real can only be found in the present, yes? 

​The past only exists in our minds, our memories, and our history. 

The future only exists in our minds, our fantasies, and our imagination. 

To practice awareness is to be in the now. To be in the now is to live in the only moment that we have any agency. To have agency IS to live. 

Live. 

(See y’all tomorrow) 

Back when I was teaching martial arts, one of my teaching goals was to instill in my students the ability to accurately self-assess. There’s nothing I’d have regretted more than a pupil getting their ass kicked because they overestimated (or underestimated) their abilities and level of comprehension. Self-deception and ego have no place in the martial world, and as I was a representative of that world, it was my job to pass that along to those with whom I shared my knowledge.

It’s my belief the concept of self-deception was, and is, important to me because of my experiences of emotional and psychological abuse suffered (and the PTSD that followed) at the hands of the woman who reared me. Gaslighting was the light in which I lived, and it was a daily struggle to remain aware in its dimness, and not deceive myself of my own worth as a conscious being, nor convince myself of the absence of my own inherent human dignity. Ultimately, I succeeded more than I failed… but I have scars. Fighting off self-deception leaves nasty scars. 

Now, years later, with my religious vocation awakened again, I’m seeing my relationship with self-deception maturing and developing into a relationship with stronger, more defined boundaries… kinda like being in right relationship with a being that’d rather eat your face than chat with you, but you simply can’t placate them, hoping they’ll leave you alone. Self-deception doesn’t go away. It wouldn’t it if could.      

*fondly reminisces* yeah… self-deception has been a personal interest of mine for decades. Truly, I’m kinda fascinated by it… of what is it made, and why does it arise? What are the factors that cause us to know better, and at the same time, choose worse? Where can it be found in our lives? In our religious practices? How can we combat it?  

We can begin with simple, black-and-white answers… but those wouldn’t reflect the complex nature of the cosmos, reality itself. Polyconscious cosmotheologians (how I’m describing “pagans” today), by nature, believe in a more complex reality, and as such, there are more complex opportunities for self-deception to arise. So many chances for us to screw ourselves… all because paganism is ripe with opportunity to overinflate our opinions of ourselves. 

Ego: not just a cute annoyance. Self-deception: can’t be fixed with euphemisms. 

Epictetus said, “It is impossible for a person to begin to learn what (they) think (they) already know.” Applicable, no? How many people can you think of who could benefit from hearing Epictetus’ words? How many times in your recounting is that person you? For me, it was certainly a fair share. 

All our lofty goals and aspirations will be for nothing because we won't be aware of the nature of ego’s trojan horse rolling through our virtue-gate. Ego and self-deception prevent us from achieving our goals because they’re sole function is to convince us that we’ve already achieved those goals. That makes them our enemies. 

It’s our job to fend them off... every day… every hour… every moment. 

(See y’all tomorrow)

Today’s theme caused me to explore the space where religiosity and humanist realism overlap. 

ADF’s style of “druidry” is really a pan-Indo-European devotional polytheist practice, and in this kind of practice there’s a lot of preference placed on learning about things unknown through the process of divination. When we’re left wondering about possible outcomes: cast the runestaves. When we’re fearful about the future: pick a card. When we’re looking for the hidden bits of causality, and answers to the question of “why”: consult the oracle. 

Much of what’s happening when we engage in divination is us trying to find where to place the blame for misunderstandings, failures, hopes, and fears. We’re seeking to assuage our feelings of being wronged because things didn’t go how we wanted them to. 

​Essentially, we’re looking for a detached, comforting, and elegant answer to the question of “why”. There isn’t a lot of room for boring things like reason, logic, and things beyond our control. 

Remember when “shit happens” was making the rounds in the U.S. vernacular? According to the Dictionary of American Proverbs (Yale University Press, 2012) the phrase first appeared in print in the late 70’s in Wesley Brown’s novel Tragic Magic. Brown, very astutely, said, “Once you know the reason why shit happens, you shouldn’t have to ask the question anymore.” It’s awareness that helps us know those reasons… but it’s our ego that convinces us those reasons have to be something special, magical, or metaphysical. 

Usually, things come to pass because of complex causality. Nothing happens “out of the blue”. Everything has reasons for becoming. 

In Buddhism there exists the principle of Pratītyasamutpāda (Sanskrit: प्रतीत्यसमुत्पाद). Commonly translated as dependent origination, or dependent arising, it’s a key principle in their teachings. Essentially, what’s being said is: all phenomena arise in dependence upon other phenomena. In other words, if this exists, that exists; and if this ceases to exist, that also ceases to exist.

We can’t always see the whole story, but one thing I can say for sure:

Like our lives, there are a LOT more quotidian experiences than there are miraculous ones. 

One day, it’ll all make sense… even if today isn’t that day, remain aware. 

Like Shakespeare wrote in “The Merchant of Venice” - truth will out. 

Keep practicing. 

(See y’all tomorrow) 

With this teaching, we’re meant to explore motivations behind causality, come to understand why people do what they do, and with practice, our grace, equanimity, and compassion are supposed to increase. "See things from their point of view", or something akin to that. 

Hmmm… ok? 

What if that person is “following orders”? Can we have grace for the Nazi soldier executing the unarmed and innocent on his officer’s command? Can we hold equanimity for members of the border patrol who are just trying to keep their jobs by turning away people seeking asylum? They have kids to feed too, right? Can we have compassion for people despite their choices? 

Short answer: YES… AND they’re still culpable for their actions. 

Even though there exists a very complex causality-matrix prior to the moments of culpability, in the end they squeezed triggers, turned away the destitute, and made choices that caused harm to others. 

I think the issue lies in the dualistic system of justice that controls our overculture. Innocent and guilty…. not a lot of room for grey in there, right? What about the other colors of the decision-matrix? There isn't a lot of room for depth when everything is seen as topically black-and-white. 

For this model of deep-awareness to work, we have to look for a framework to support it. 

I offer for your consideration the Truth and Reconciliation process used in post-apartheid South Africa. 

Read about it. Sit with it. Comment. 
​
(See y’all tomorrow)