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When You Lose Control (Day 59)

2/28/2019

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People believe that those in pastoral or ministerial roles have cornered the market on peace-of-mind, and likely reside in the center of some metaphorical lotus. Well, I’ve got news for y’all: one doesn’t get “badger” in their nickname from being cute and fuzzy (or having black/silver/salt and pepper hair alone).

No, it’s usually due to some combination of higher-than-average grumpiness, a degree of “physical” presence, and a burning desire to make your displeasure known to others, by whatever means necessary. I always have a chuckle to myself when folx say how collected I seem in some situations, or conversely, how firey I can become about others. To those folx, my reply is usually the same: you should have seen me 20-30 years ago.

The soul is like a bowl of water, and our impressions are like the ray of light falling upon the water. When the water is troubled, it appears that the light itself is moved too, but it isn’t. So, when a person loses their composure it isn’t their skills and virtues that are troubled, but the spirit in which they exist, and when that spirit calms down so do those things.”
(Epictetus, Discourses, 3.3.20-22)

Loss of control will happen. We screw up. Accept it. It’s inevitable.

Through that acceptance, it’s imperative to remember that it wasn’t our practices and reasonable-spirit that has left us forever… it is we who have temporarily stepped away from them.

Take a pause. Breathe. Notice your control and good-sense waiting for you right where you left them.

Pick them back up.

Get back to work on right-relationship with passions and emotions… again, and again.

After all, it’s why we practice.

(See y’all tomorrow)

Cultivating Indifference Where Others Grow Passion (Day 58)

2/27/2019

After sitting with today’s theme for a while, what arose for me was: what Stoics call indifference, Buddhists call non-attachment.

It’s easy to apply indifference to things. Concerning people, however, indifference sounds so… uncaring.

Even though “indifference” seems uncaring, there’s a difference between not caring and not attaching. It’s the difference between not making something personal while remaining connected with that something (or someone), and unplugging from something (or someone), severing naturally-arising human connections, as well as being unfeeling and cold.

My own lesson with non-attachment was hard-learned. In short, through terrible circumstances and a series of bad choices, not to mention some unfortunate events, all of my personal belongings were lost to me. Essentially, what I ended up with, after all was said and done, was a backpack with enough clothes for a weekend, a single book, and season one of The Muppet Show. I had lost all my clothes, my entire library, personal effects, irreplaceable photos, and every bit of academic work I did during my undergraduate program.

At that point, I got to either practice non-attachment, or go completely mad from total loss. I chose nonattachment and indifference. What else could I do? Dwell on things that weren’t there? Wish for a past to where I couldn’t return?

See… stoic indifference means dwelling in the liminal space where interconnectedness (Sympatheia) and egolessness overlap… between lusting insanely for more, and fearfully defending against the loss of everything.

It’s not throwing away our connections. It’s keeping our connections strong by being realistic and non-personal with them.

If we find ourselves being cold and uncaring, we missed the point of the exercise. If we’re uncaring in our indifference, then we not practicing non-attachment…

… we’re just being assholes.

(See y’all tomorrow)

To Each His Own (Day 57)

2/26/2019

Snapping and fighting back is easy. Giving someone a piece of our minds is tempting. Tit for tat. Eye for an eye. Tooth for a tooth. Lex talionis. Reciprocity in all things, right?

Retaliation is reciprocal harm? We good with that? Is that what we want from life?

But it’s balanced and justified… right?

How many of those fight-backs and mind-piece-giftings resulted in regret? That attitude-filled email, or text? How’d that work out?

Another has done me wrong? Let him see to it. He has his own tendencies, and his own affairs. What I have now is what the common nature has willed, and what I endeavor to accomplish now is what my nature wills.”
-Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 5. 25

Being raised by a single-parent grandmother with her own anger issues and abusive tendencies increased the already-challenging process of emotional self-control to a level needing professional outside assistance.

Some passions and emotions I have a good handle on… others, not so much. It’s taken the better part of my life to achieve a semblance of control, and over the last fifteen years, that composure has developed from a two-dimensional appearance of control to a three-dimensional reality of control.

It’s hard work to reprogram oneself from the lessons learned during one’s formative years. It’s hard to not fall back into the automatic responses that come out when we’re not mindful. It’s hard to not “lose it” when that’s what was modeled for us.

What do we actually lose when we “lose it”?

We lose touch with the one thing we have control over.

Ourselves.

Retaliatory, reciprocal harm does nothing to better us, or the situation.

It only makes the ego feel better.

(See y’all tomorrow)

The Smoke and Dust of Myth (Day 56)

2/25/2019

Image Credit: Pixabay

I’m not gonna lie and say I wasn’t looking forward to this post. It took a boatload of self-control to not read ahead after I saw the title a few days ago.

But, we’ve made it. Here we are.

Myth. This is stuff I know about… kinda.

*reads today’s entry in the book*

Shit. That wasn’t about “myth” at all. It was more about… hmmm… legacy? The illusion of legacy? Yeah… that sounds right. The illusion of legacy.

We polytheist folx have an obsession with “doing things that will be remembered”, things that our children will tell the tales of for generations, deeds so great, or meaningful, that we will live on in memory into the ages.

Time, like Gollum’s riddle, will ultimately get us in the end, and there’s no escaping it.

Is it possible to live fully in the here-and-now when a big part of our consciousness is dedicated to becoming a character of legend? I argue, no… and I’m sure if my answer doesn’t suit your egoic needs, dear reader, there are DOZENS of other pagan and polytheist folx who will happily support your pet theory.

Keep a list before your mind of those who burned with anger and resentment about something, of even the most renowned for success, misfortune, evil deeds, or any special distinction. Then ask yourself, how did that work out?
Smoke and dust, the stuff of simple myth trying to be legend…”
(Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 12.27)

I believe, what Marcus is getting on about is this: we’re definitely going to be forgotten, and if we’re shitty people while we’re here that it’s not our “legacy” we’re negatively affecting...

… it’s our here-and-now.

(See y’all tomorrow)

The Real Source of Harm (Day 55)

2/24/2019

A thousand dollars unexpectedly disappears from one’s bank account. Does it affect the billionaire the same way it affects someone in the 99%?

One receives harsh criticism and negative feedback. Does it mean the same coming from a stranger a it would coming from your partner?

Does hate mail impact us if we never receive the letter?

We have to engage and participate in the above examples; we have to make them personal for them to impact us.

How we react informs the level of “harm” we experience, because when we believe things are personal, we feel justified in our responses.

Making things personal comes from ego (I bet y’all saw that coming).

So… would the impact be the same if we’re not personally attached?

Hmmm…?

(See y’all tomorrow)

Circumstances Have No Care for Our Feelings (Day 54)

2/23/2019

Flat tire in the middle of a trip? Snowy and icy roads impeding our travels? Battery runs out of juice? Shoe comes untied? Gravity? Time?

Who cares?

Only us. Certainly not the tires, not the roads, not the snow, batteries, shoes, gravity, or time. Only us.

Why? Why don’t these inanimate things or situations care about our untimely delays or annoyances, our tripping and falling, or our feelings about any of the above?

You shouldn’t give circumstances the power to rouse anger, for they don’t care at all.”
(Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.38)

Well, it’s not only because they’re circumstances and inanimate… but because they’re outside of our control.

Getting upset and having “the feels” about situations is, at best, a waste of our emotional power, and at worst… an ego-driven attempt at self-soothing.

So, what do we do about situations and circumstances?

We deal with the tire. We watch the snow fall, and do the best with what we have in the moment. We replace the battery, or practice patience until we can. We bend down and re-tie our shoes. We accept that gravity and time are beyond our control.

Our responses and how much we surrender to our emotions, though, are well within our control…

… and so, we control ourselves.

(See y’all tomorrow)

What’s Better Left Unsaid (Day 53)

2/22/2019

Image Credit: Pixabay

I’m definitely guilty of opening my mouth and allowing my ego to “cut line” in front of my good sense, and that is, for the most part, the overall theme of today’s contemplation:

Pause and Think. Then act.

This is great advice… if you’re the kind of person prone to easy action, and jumping into things with both feet.

What about for the folx who are on the other extreme of this equation? The folx who are the over-thinkers, the ones who get lost in “patience and preparation”... to those folx, this lesson affirms their inaction, creating in them a sense of idiot-virtue.

There is no “one cure” for all ailments, and there’s no room for ego and desire in the curing process…

… but maybe that, too, is better left unsaid.

(See y’all tomorrow)

Wish Not, Want Not (Day 52)

2/21/2019

Image Credit: Pixabay

Desire is deceptive (kinda in the same way that “anger gets shit done” is).

I know… what a horrible thing to say William. I can hear it now; “If we don’t desire something better or different or -whatever-, how then could we be motivated to go and fulfill that desire? Desire drives us, right? What about hope?!?”

Well, lots of things can give us motivation and drive (and for the love of all things holy, don’t use hope as a motivator)… but desire is STILL deceptive. Here’s why:

Desire is tied to passion, emotion, and ego, and as such, contains the complications of indenturing us to something other than ourselves, of weakening our self-control and discipline, as well as applying our otherwise-healthy drive, in a direction of harmful attachment.

... it (is) the privilege of the gods to need nothing,
and of god-like (people) to want but little.”
(Anecdotes about Diogenes preserved by Diogenes Laërtius, Book 6, Life of Crates, 105)

In other words, when we want or desire, we compromise our personal agency… because the object of that desire controls/informs our actions instead of our good sense and disciplined minds. We surrender the one thing we have control over, ourselves, to something we have no control over, to something beyond ourselves… and what’s worse, it’s a non-existent something. It’s a something that exists only in desire… in hope… in a rose-colored imagination.

Now, before we start getting binary and polarized, this whole desire thing applies in all directions, not only for the obviously harmful things. The desire for peace, success, or comfort can warp our control matrix, too. Desire pulls us out of the moment, and projects parts of us into a non-existent future built upon attachment.

*Enjoy an extended, mindful pause. Sit with the above for a few breaths.*

Now, turn awareness inward and ask:

What would fulfillment, and ultimately, happiness look like without the habituated need to factor in ego and desire?

Once we put together the answer to that one… well, we’ll really have somethin’ then.

Until we do, we begin again, and again, and again… we practice.

(See y’all tomorrow)

The Grand Parade of Desire (Day 51)

2/20/2019

Image Credit: Pixabay

Y’all… for real… first hurricane, then food metaphors, and now parades???

If I didn't know better, I’d think the Fates are conspiring in my favor.

Robbers, perverts, killers, and tyrants - gather, for your inspection,
their so-called pleasures!”
(Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.34)

Desire, like floats in a parade, alluringly pass before us… one desire after another… on and on.

And, these floats don’t just roll by passively like in some kinda Rose Bowl-style parade. Naw... these are New Orleans-style floats, and are throwing beads and doubloons off the sides, showering us in, what seems to be riches, tempting us more and more to indulge.

What if we gave into all of them?

Well, we’d end up being “that guy”. You know, the one who knocks over kids and families following the ONE freakin’ float with his homies on it… for like 3 blocks, leaving naught but the results of selfishness behind.

Following the Desire Parade is how robbers get to be robbers, and killers get to be killers, etc. etc. etc.

Is the fulfilling of our desires worth all that? Does that fulfillment REALLY bring lasting, meaningful pleasure?

Cravings and indulgences take on a whole new meaning when seen under that light.

(See y’all tomorrow)

The Banquet of Life (Day 50)

2/19/2019

Image Credit: Pixabay

In yesterday’s post, I got a little sentimental about New Orleans, and what it was like to repeatedly go through hurricane season. Today’s post, interestingly enough, tickles my home-sense as well. Why?

Because I come from the Land of Buffet and Banquet, where life itself can be connected to food, and the eating of it, preparing it, and sharing of it in every imaginable way. My people tell stories through food, with food, and because of food. We are capable of making most things make sense with food. New Orleanians, and South Louisianians are all about food. So...

… food metaphors: CHECK

That being said, remember those times when you were little, and something desired and delectable was being passed around the table? I sure do. Remember, before we knew better, how we reached out to snatch a serving as it passed us by, or while someone near us still had the platter? Remember how our desire and hunger got the better of us, and we sidestepped our good sense?

Remember getting smacked because of, what my kin used to call, our “boarding house reach”?

I do. *rubs back of hand*

I was told, post-smack, that I needed to practice patience, or to focus on being a good guest instead of focusing on my stomach, or to be mindful of my gluttony and greed.

Sage advice, really, because life is like that banquet, or buffet, or family meal.

As something being passed around comes to you, reach out your hand and take a moderate helping. Does it pass you by? Don’t stop it. It hasn’t come yet? Don’t burn or desire for it, but wait until it arrives in front of you. Act this way… one day it will make (us) worthy of a banquet with the gods.”
(Epictetus, Enchiridion, 15)

Instead of gettin’ grabby, we could look around the table and consider how blessed we are to be in this place in this moment (a gratitude practice). We could take another bite of what we’ve already got on our plates, taking the opportunity to savor what we may have moments before eaten mindlessly. We could practice selflessness and help serve the meal, or clean up afterwards, even though we’re guests.

Be mindful of our passions and emotions, because if we lose ourselves in them, we could end up being our of right-relationship with the virtue of Hospitality… and no one likes a shitty guest, or a shitty host.

(See y’all tomorrow)

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About the Blog

Awakening the desire to explore Stoicism, and how it relates to his existing beliefs, Rev. William committed to working through the text, The Daily Stoic, a year-long journey to awaken the Stoic mind.
How things are structured can be found in the first post.

About the Author

Born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana, Rev. William attended Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado where in 2007 he graduated with a degree in Religious Studies, minoring in Psychology. Currently residing in Longmont, CO, he is one of the Priests and founder of Mountain Ancestors Grove. He spends his time playing mandolin (and some guitar), writing, engaging in LGBTQIA+ advocacy and education, community service, and sharing a larger vision of how a polytheist perspective can lead to greater human understanding, acceptance, and gods be good, peace.

A Year of Contemplation

When You Lose Control (Day 59)

Cultivating Indifference Where Others Grow Passion (Day 58)

To Each His Own (Day 57)

The Smoke and Dust of Myth (Day 56)

The Real Source of Harm (Day 55)

Circumstances Have No Care for Our Feelings (Day 54)

What’s Better Left Unsaid (Day 53)

Wish Not, Want Not (Day 52)

The Grand Parade of Desire (Day 51)

The Banquet of Life (Day 50)

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