I’ve been thinking a lot about growth and growing in this season of our lives… We are many of us in a time that involves many stressors, adverse conditions that reduce our access to the things that nourish us: relationships, genuine leisure time, a sense of basic safety in our environment and interactions, financial security. It is a time that has brought (and continues to bring) loss and grief and fear as well for many of us, if not for ourselves than for people we know. It is a time when both the literal and the cultural seasons- rhythms and rituals and ways of being- are increasingly distant from what our bodies and minds and spirits remember, long for, even need.

During these times, our bodies and minds naturally draw inward to conserve resources and protect us. Thinking, learning, engaging, relating, navigating social and emotional and physical and vocational spaces and activities and relationships all take literal resources in the form of physical and mental energy expenditure. Much as many plants during fall and winter draw their sugars into their roots, concentrating them there and focusing growth on that underground network that anchors and nourishes life, promoting resilience in the plant, so, too, do we feel a prompting to sink back into our center, to conserve energy and concentrate our resources in the areas where nourishment and safety are. And, much like those same plants do as life edges towards spring, it is in sinking back into our roots, and growing our contact with the sources of nourishment in our lives, that we, too, are able to expand into profusion, flourishing in the seasons where resources are more plentifully available to us.

There are a few glimmers of understanding I’m sitting with here. We have all heard of greenhouses and growing things out of season; when we do that, we call it “forcing” and that term is particularly applicable here and now in these strange seasons in our lives. We can force plants to grow and produce out of season only by tricking them with controlled access to light and temperature and water and nutrients. When we try to force ourselves to grow and produce while resources are limited and conditions are adverse, we are not generally as successful as we would be otherwise, and by preventing that time of sinking back and concentrating on growing our roots we are not as resilient nor as abundant as we could otherwise be. This applies to ourselves and to the people around us coping with various degrees and forms of adversity, toxic stress, and trauma. When we force growth in periods where we/they could better thrive through sinking back and consolidating energy in our roots, we/they literally, physically lack access to the resources necessary to sustain that growth. Struggling to learn, to relate, to regulate is an **entirely natural and biologically based result of a process that exists to keep us alive.** It is **not** therefore a reflection of failure on the part of ourselves/them.

The other glimmer is what this implies about the work before us and within us at this time. There isn’t a map here, nor any clear threshold to cross that delineates here from there or safety from risk/adversity/loss. We don’t have many places and relationships and means for containing and regulating our individual, much less our collective, trauma and stress. It is certainly not something we focus on creating in our culture at large, nor teaching ourselves and each other how to do in our own persons, families, or communities. But what we do have is the ability to ask ourselves some questions, keeping in mind that the answers may apply broadly across areas of our lives or may vary depending on what aspect of our lives we are getting curious about:

-What nourishes me? What is the soil I can root into and use to sustain myself and promote my resilience when it’s time to flourish out in the world again?
-In the areas of my life where I have no choice but to continue to produce, how can we set up conditions to be as favorable to that as possible? Where can I draw my resources away from so they are more available to these areas?
-and to step to the left of the climatological metaphor because we can: How can we “companion plant” by sharing where we have extra resources to support and nourish others who may have extra resources that can support us? Who brings nutrients to our soul? Who has broad leaves that shelter us from things that would take what we need? Who provides a sturdy place to wind ourselves as we rise up reaching for the light? And who do we provide these things to? Where can we provide to others the things that we do well (because it’s awfully hard to be a sturdy place to rise and also be low to the ground with broad leaves protecting)?

These are just a few of the things I’m sitting with tonight and questions I’m asking myself and my clients and my loved ones. And let me recommend curiosity as the starting point here. When we get curious, there is a release of the critical, a playfulness, even a softening of resistance that we make space for in ourselves. We are not interrogating ourselves or others in our lives. We are inviting ourselves to be seen and known; that takes some basic trust with ourselves and it's ok if that trust is hard or new. As we get curious about these things, I invite us all to allow whatever answers come, and to pause before we give ourselves a litany of new tasks to accomplish.

Perhaps something here will spark a glimmer of your own.

May you be well. 💚🔥💦🌼

An initial version of this post was originally shared on Dr. Amy’s blog at www.rootedflame.com on 12/20/2020

Attached to the apex virtue are three “arms” of a mobile, each of which can pull us away from the apex virtue.  Sometimes, though we may believe we’ve achieved the apex virtue, in reality we have slid down an arm of the mobile, pulling the whole mobile out of balance. Our fear of falling and our desire to believe that we are behaving properly can tempt us to defend or justify a less-than-apex experience of the virtue in question. So instead of admitting error, we dangle there, out-of-balance, desperately grasping at this false notion of virtue for fear of falling away from the virtue entirely. 

These three “arms” can be described briefly as the absence of the virtue, the “idiot” expression of the virtue, and the “weaponized” version of the virtue. 

I know this all seems terribly abstract, so let’s use everyone's favorite virtue, hospitality, as an example: 

We’re presented with the opportunity to be virtuously hospitable, so we start to climb the structure toward the apex virtue. We arrive at the top, but while trying to get our balance and get hold of the apex virtue, we’re fumbling with those three pesky arms. Here’s what it looks like when we take hold of each of the arms:

If we grab hold of the “absence of virtue” arm, we can make excuses and justify to ourselves why we do not need to be hospitable. We justify our miserliness. So, miserliness would be the “absence of” arm for hospitality. 

If we grab hold of the “idiot virtue” arm of hospitality, we would give more than would be sustainable (e.g., giving so much that we don’t leave enough for ourselves or our families), OR we provide a level of hospitality that enables the recipient to persist with negative or harmful behaviors. 

Finally, if we grab the “weaponized” arm, the most insidious one, we provide what would otherwise be reasonable hospitality, but we “flag” that hospitality so we can come back to it in the future and “use it against” the recipient. For example, you generously offer a ride to a friend who is stranded at the airport, even though it’s late and out of the way. Some time later, you have implicit (or explicit) expectations of that friend who, for whatever reason at this time, cannot help you with whatever you need help with. You “remind” them of the “debt” they owe, throwing the past kindness of hospitality in their face, hoping to guilt or badger them into compliance to get your needs met. Any practice of a virtue with the intention of gaining social status or power by earning a reputation as a “virtuous” person is indicative of sliding down this arm of  “weaponized” virtue.

Using this reflection process, we can see how the virtue mobile is a tool designed to avoid or prevent otherwise virtuous actions from being tainted with sanctimonious, justified non-virtue; enabling others or overextending the virtue performed; or, finally, completing the virtue with secret, selfish agendas. 

However, I was left with the question of HOW can we train ourselves to hit the apex virtue more than we miss the mark? What tools can we use to maximize our apex virtue experience without the pitfalls of the virtue mobile? The tool I came up with was… 

The Three Orthos

In ADF, we privilege orthopraxy; the DOING is more important than the BELIEVING. Much of our orthopraxy-privileged druidic practice suggests that virtu-ing is all about the DO-ING of virtue. Actions = important. Thoughts = not important. Right? WRONG! That’s just too dualistic for me, and it should be for any of us too, dear readers. Begrudgingly handing someone a “cup of welcome” with resentment or ugliness in our hearts IS NOT apex hospitality. Over-focusing on the doing, the right-action, the orthopraxy of it all, leads to hollow, performative virtue, offering no sustaining, nourishing spirit-food for us or for the recipients of said virtue. To prevent this, we must add right-thought and right-heartfulness to the already existing right-action part. 

The inherent dualism that arises from the orthopraxy/orthodoxy binary pushes single-answer solutions to life, refusing to accept that there is not only ONE answer to our complex reality. To live full, nourishing lives we need to seek out the more-than-two solution, the complex understanding of what's real which I’ve come to refer to as polyconsciousness. When we step outside the dualistic, we can see that orthopraxy alone doesn't support the ever-growing and expanding polyconscious perspective needed to live virtuously.

The tool of the “Three Orthos” came to me through the lens of a four decade practice of Japanese and Korean martial arts (Black belts in Aikido, Hapkido, HanMuDo, and kyu rank in Shindo Muso Ryu Jojutsu). These practices talk about the unification of mind, body, and spirit. They speak to how deep power comes from the holistic, unified action of all three. 

In ADF, we often discuss the dichotomy between orthodoxy (i.e., right belief) and orthopraxy (i.e., right action). But we should remember that it’s not about one over the other. It’s not about an either/or. It’s about a BOTH/AND. We NEED both orthodoxy AND orthopraxy; right-mind AND right-body. And as mentioned above, polyconsciousness is all about finding the more-than-two. Therefore, I humbly offer a THIRD ortho for your consideration: Orthopathy.

So, if: 

• Ortho = right, true, straight
• Praxis = process, practice
• Doxa = opinion
• Pathos = feeling, suffering, emotion

Then: 

• Orthopraxy = right-practice, right actions, or right do-ing through the vehicle of the body; 
• Orthodoxy = right-opinion, right thought, or right thinking through the vehicle of the mind; and
• Orthopathy = right-emotion, right heartfulness, or right sentiment through the vehicle of the heart or spirit. 

I teach at Mountain Ancestors Grove that we need ALL THREE orthos to maximize our apex virtue experience, feeding ours and others' souls with the most nutritious, “calorie dense,” soul food possible. 

When we are operating with all three orthos, we have the ability to not only maximize the virtue experience, but we are empowered to avoid the pitfalls that come with the virtue mobile. 

For an example, let's revisit hospitality. 

When we're in tune with all three orthos, hospitality involves knowing what is right to do and why it is right to do it, doing the actions you already know to be right and good, and feeling how a sincere heart can bring the deep, fulfilling joy that comes from being a good guest or a gracious host, both roles open and accepting, as well as generous and thoughtful. 
​
Conclusion and Invitation

The virtues aren’t just a list of do-good things we think about for a hot minute during our dedicant work. These nine (or more) themes permeate, inform, and influence each action we do, as well as each thought and feeling we have. They have the power to unlock our greatest selves, but only when approached mindfully, holistically, and with the goal of attaining the “good life”. 

The techniques found in the Virtue Matrix, the Virtue Mobile, and The Three Orthos will help a diligent practitioner transform their life, and thus, transform the word. 

If that’s not magic, I don’t know what is. 

That being said, in case anyone would like to discuss the above ideas and perspectives more, or if there are questions regarding an odd turn of phrase or idea, I invite you to reach out to me at William@MountainAncestors.org. I’d LOVE to hear from you and help y’all navigate the buffet of virtue. It can be overwhelming, intimidating, and scary. There are so many combinations and themes. It helps to have a guide. 

As a southerner, I have a particular skill set when it comes to buffets. ;) I can assure you that we’ll get through any questions or challenges together with full soul-bellies and nourished spirits. 
​
Blessings y’all! 

Before we dive in (or maybe this IS the dive), I’d like to make mention that today is a special day in my ancestor/remembrance practice. Six years ago the world lost a holy person (a tzaddik, some might say), Rabbi Zalman Schacter-Shalomi, of blessed memory. I had the privilege and blessing (and the good sense to take advantage of the opportunity before me) of studying with him during my time at Naropa University, and even for some years after as I began planting the seeds for my own ministry. Reb Zalman was a priest (as it were) that had no trouble filling the seats in congregations because the folx wanted to bask in his unique form of kind, gentle wisdom. I’ll remember Reb Zalman as, literally, the kindest, gentlest person I’ve ever had the good fortune of meeting face-to-face. 

That being said, it was sometimes a challenge to be within his presence because, by nature, I’m an angry person… and he’d just exude calmness, wisdom, and gentleness, all while being perfectly perfect with the angry, ignorant, and ham-handed frame-of-mind in which I found myself. That kind of relationship, a sort of darshan, creates very clear and shared feelings… sort of like DreamFasting in The Dark Crystal, but only with feelings. It’s uncomfortable if you’re not prepared for the experience. I’m talking about the discomfort of being in the presence of peace when you yourself are not feeling at peace in the slightest.  I’m sure you know the feeling I’m talking about. Wise Zalman would probably say it was because our frequencies were connected, in that moment and perhaps before (who knows), in some kind of diatonic harmony, or some other such completely-accurate, uniquely-phrased Zalman’ism. 

Gods be good, I miss him. 

It’s funny to me that today is the day I choose to write about anger. On this day, when I’m so steeped in my yearly mourning for my teacher (but it’s SO ZALMAN to do exactly this). If he were here, he’d be kindly, gently laughing (I’ll tell you why by the end).

So… back to anger, and why it’s hard to be an angry priest/religious professional. 

I don’t remember being an angry kid when I was really little. If you hear my relatives tell it, they’d paint a picture of a sweet, gentle boy, who loved singing in church, dancing around the house, playing alone for hours with action figures, drawing everything that came to mind, rarely talking, and who especially loved being outside with friends… and sometimes, a boy who was helping others, often at his own expense. 

But then, life started to happen. Ever-blossoming people problems: parental divorces, bullies at school, failures, abuses; all these things happening with no safe-haven in which to hide at home, because life was happening there too, y’all.  The main model of how to be in the world, and deal with life, was given to me by my grandmother (of blessed memory) who reared me. She was an angry person, for sure. Imagine the visage of Sophia from The Golden Girls with the heart and mind of your worst bully from grammar school. Seriously. No shit. 

Not trying to blame my grandmother for my anger; however, while correlation does not imply causation, relationships DO influence all involved. 

Over the course of my life I’ve run the gamut of therapists, programs, techniques, and “cures” for my ever-present anger, and here it is, nearly fifty years later, and I’m still *#&%@?!* angry all the time. The quest for properly-managed anger feels kind of like feeding an addiction: the hunger for AND volumes of what we crave (which in my case is peace and kindness and knowledge) grows and grows… and when we’re not satiated, we’re raging in that not-enoughness of what we crave...

… and it doesn’t go away. 

Since I’ve been in full-time service as one of the priests of Mountain Ancestors Grove, I’ve seen our community, our state, our nation, and our world devolve into fear-based insularity, sycophantic despotism, and sickening divisiveness…

… and just like when I was a child, it feels as if there’s no safe-haven in which to find refuge. 

That makes me as angry as it ever has. 

Gods be praised, I’m a different person now that I’m grown, albeit still perpetually angry. I think the difference now is that I can, even in the midst of all the above-listed sufferings, find solace in the guidance and resolve that comes from a committed spiritual/religious life. 

Not because doing all the “religious stuff” makes me “feel” good, but because doing all the religious stuff gives me a fire-pit in which to hold the otherwise all-consuming fire; a foundation upon which to rest my angry spirit…

… and creating a reliable foundation takes quality material (teachers, training, ideas, values) and labor committed to excellence (disciplined mind and spirit, ego awareness and mitigation tools). 

My challenge within paganism (maybe it’s in other places, but those places aren’t mine to talk about) is that so many pagan-identifying people are more interested in “feeling” good about “religion-ing”, in the same way we want to “feel” good about being part of a fandom at a convention, than changing their perspectives, being comfortable in discomfort, or growth as a human being in a world of other human beings. 

That kind of attitude, when using the “foundation” metaphor, are the bits of wallpaper, artwork, and knickknacks that fill a house. The power of our practice isn’t in the style-points it automatically generates. It’s in the potential to self-examine and relate to the world in a more primal, lower bullshit-level sort of way. It’s in the deep lessons of interconnectedness, adaptation, and the cyclical nature of existence. It’s in the soil and rock… not the ones that adorn shelves in our houses, but the ones that uphold and support it from the Mother below, and the ones that build its very walls…

… and it angers me that so many of us pagans aren’t down for all the “material” investment (unless those “materials” generate some egoic, self-aggrandizing feelings within us) and committed labor (like actual hard work) it takes to ascend as a people; to be better today than we were yesterday, every day. 

As a religious leader, it’s a professional pain-in-my-ass to have the above feelings. Why, you might ask? They’re valid feelings, or realistic perspectives, or whatever… right? Short answer: yes. But… 

No one wants an angry shepherd. 

Folx want a caretaker, a cookie-baker, a lore-spinner and entertainer. Folx want all the religion-ing to feel good, or at least to not make them feel bad in ways that they haven’t already approved for discomfort. 

In the age of understanding and acceptance (at least from the “potential for, as a species” point of view), it angers me that there’s so much selfishness in the world blinding us to the needs of others that we fail to see that generosity and inclusivity could save us all, leaving no need for selfishness. In today’s world, we’re encouraged to be more accepting, right? 

What about accepting the fact that everything that comes to us in life isn’t going to make us feel good? Or maybe accepting an angry priest who embodies that frustration and encourages us to think about these terrible things in the world? 

It’s a challenge (read as “it pisses me off) to make relevant very here-and-now issues with a religious framework that was best functional before the next 5000 years of human evolution, global awareness, and interpersonal understanding. During a time when we, as a human species, needed different things as a species, all this worked just fine. 

Well, y’all, we, as my NOLA-kin would say, “ain’t dere no more”. 

The fact that so many of us can’t see that ALSO angers me. So, yeah...

No one wants an angry shepherd, but having one isn’t inherently bad…
 … and what we want and what we need are entirely different. 

Assess your needs accurately. 

Oh yeah… I almost forgot to tell y’all why Reb Zalman would be kindly, gently laughing at me as a live my life of perpetual seething and grumbling: 

He wouldn’t be laughing AT my suffering, or struggle, or fears… no, Reb Zalman would be laughing because he’d be filled with joy for me at such a great opportunity to practice relationship-ing with my anger. He’d very likely tell me (in between chuckles) that it’s a blessing to be an angry person. Why? Because without feeling the feelings of that great, constant anger, how would we have the opportunity to practice great, constant kindness, generosity, and love, or to develop the resilience and strength it takes to do so. 

The places where we struggle are exactly the places we need to be, if our goal is to grow, evolve, and be of use to the world. 

No one wants an angry shepherd. 
And yet, that’s who I am…

… and that might be just what we need.